Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
