Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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