I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
