if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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