Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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