Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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