I want to walk on stilts...naked
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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