Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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