Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
