I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
