a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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