1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
