For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
