I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
