while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
