Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
