Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
