I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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