Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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