The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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