You just made me feel so damn special
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
