can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
