Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
