I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am one with the molecules
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
