What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
