honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
