I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
