What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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