So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
