sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
