Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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