I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
