his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The best revenge is premature balding
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
