I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
