Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
