Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i think i just lost a toe
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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