Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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