I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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