my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
