I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
