The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
