Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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