I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
