Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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