did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Randomize
