chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
