So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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