She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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