I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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