i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
