Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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