good thing vaginas are great cup holders
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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