Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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