So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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