I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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