Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
