My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I believe in your delicious
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
