the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can you bring me the toilet please
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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