I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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