At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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