Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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