How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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