My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
