I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize